Redirecting Guilt, Part Deux

As you may, or probably haven't guessed from the previous post, we've added a third contributor. Or, rather, we've added a third person who won't post very often. This is part of our ongoing effort to spread the blame around, or add more content, or something else. (It probably involves an internet buzzword, like "intersphere stratocasting.")

Also, we've apparently decreased posting requirements to the point where sentence fragments and internet slang constitute meaningful updates.

Stratocasting, indeed.

Well done, interwebs, you've made heroes of us all.

The League of Extraordinary Gentlethings

So, yeah, rae got the first part of the big news out of the way. If you haven't figured it out yet, rae is now a contributing member of Crap: The Blog.

In other news, we're now taking applications for additional content writerers. If you'd like such an honorable position, e-mail me at rromagar (at) gmail (dot) com. Or, if you're lazy, you can just ask me.

What qualifications do you need to have to write for us? Not much! You don't have to be funny, as that would disqualify me, and you don't have to have good taste in who you stalk, because that would disqualify rae. In other news, it's self-deprecation night!

Hugs and Kisses,

Ben

Technology: 1, Me: 0

So, yeah, something was up with Blogger and it wouldn't let me add new posts. I think I fixed it.

In other news, new and cool things are coming to C:tB, so stay tuned for details.

New and Exciting Pinnacles of Laziness

So, since I'm too lazy to write actual posts, here's a conversation that I had with the internet (amélie):

amélie: good even, sir
me: Lo.
amélie: and how are you on this fine day?
me: Not too bad.
me: Yourself?
amélie: rather alright
me: Excellent.
amélie: indeed
amélie: but for the fact that you have not posted *stern look in your general direction, that being assumed east*
me: Yeah, yeah.
me: Not posting is so normal for me that it's just like posting.
amélie: true
amélie: but you taunt me with saying i'm in the background of a nonexistant picture.
amélie: and the most recent post's title always makes me think you're slowly killing the blog
me: Actually, the game pictured in that picture is mostly responsible for the blog's slow death.
me: It's not like I actually do anything worth writing about.
amélie: i used to laugh, mr. kanter
amélie: deprivation of laughter is a serious offence.
me: I'm not afraid to go back to jail.
amélie: no? that's convenient
amélie: and then you'd have interesting blog material to post about
amélie: huzzah
me: Actually, I'm probably just going to post this conversation.
me: Thanks for writing half a blog post.
amélie: you're quite welcome
amélie: what would you do, after all, without the internet stalking you?
me: Retire to a desert island.
amélie: well, thank goodness i exist then.
me: Indeed.
amélie: unless it was a dessert island..
me: Mmm... Dessert.
amélie: quite right
amélie: so what have you been up to lately?
me: Not much.
me: Work, sleep, work, sleep worksleep
amélie: work where?
me: At a doorknob factory.
amélie: really?
me: Yeah.
amélie: that sounds so cool
amélie: is it boring?
me: Pretty much.
amélie: i figured. that's sad.
me: Indeed.
amélie: did the tantalizing thought of dessert distract or deter you from discussion?
me: Yeah.
amélie: sad.
amélie: i made fudge the other day
me: Mmm... fudge.
amélie: and cookies.
me: Mmm... fudge and cookies.
amélie: yeah, happy fourth indeed.
amélie: speaking of the fourth, i burnt holes in a rogue beach ball to mark the occasion.
me: Cool.
amélie: what'd you do?
me: Nada mucho.

That was easy.

-Me

A slow death

This shows about how my internet connection is right now:

Ouch.

The Thrill of Defeat

Here we are once again, kids: The "I haven't updated in a while, so apologizing for not posting for awile is almost as good as a real post" post.

So, umm, yeah. I haven't posted in a while.

I hope that apology is as good as a real post.

Bye now.
-Ben

P.S. I'm almost done with school for this semester, which is kind of cool, but kind of not, because I'm going to miss all my college peeps, and my girlfriend will be several states away instead of being a three minute walk away and run-on sentences aren't very cool.

P.P.S. I am not very funny.

P.P.P.S. But, then, you already knew that.

P.P.P.P.S. It's really your fault, you know. You knew this would likely not be very funny, and yet you read it anyway. I mean, you really have no one to blame but yourself.

P.P.P.P.P.S. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to insult you like that. Seriously.

Insomnia 2: Electric Boogaloo

I think I've figured it out, guys. I think my insomnia is related to stress. I always seem to have these wonderful sessions of insomnia soon after bad days. Last time I got a night's sleep between the day of stress and the night of no sleep, but this time no repreive was given. Crappy day. *BAM* No sleep.

This leads me to one inevitable conclusion: My subconscious hates me.

I figure the only solution is some sort of bloody coup in my brain, which mostly sounds like a really cool metaphor for a bad headache that I'll have to use sometime. (I'll have to use the metaphor, not the headache. Sorry, unclear antecedent.) Where was I? Oh yeah, so the resistance forces are meeting umm... resistance. This is likely because they're figments of my lack-of-sleep addled brain. However, in their defence, they only exist to combat that very brain, which doesn't really seem like a positive on their part, because I would think that anything who's sole purpose is to destroy the thing that makes it exist is unlikely to live a very fulfilling existence.

So, umm...

This post make no to less than that sense.

But, you already knew that.

And, you probably expected it, too.

I think the Electric Boogaloo reference might have tipped my hand.

Open Letter to Hoobastank

(Considering how popular this blog is, I'm sure Hoobastank reads this, but just in case they don't, could someone who knows them just pass it along, thanks.)

Dear Hoobastank,
If you were me, then I'd be you, and I'd use your helicopter to get to the top.
You can't stop me no matter who you are.
Love,
Ben

In which our hero proves how truly uncool he really is

Man, have you ever done that thing where you are listening to music and then you leave, and when you come back and turn the music back on you can't believe you had it that loud? I just did that. It was wild.

Less Than Jake is cool.

Umm... I have no real reason to post. I mostly am just hitting some hardcore writer's block on this Shakespeare paper I'm writing. I have a killer title. (I rule at titles. (Fun Fact: Last year I won the Elmer Schpederman Memorial Award for the best title on a paper in Literature and Writing II. True story.)(Addendum to fun fact: The title was: "my mind is a hunk of irrevocable nothing: The Thought Provoking Poetry of E.E. Cummings" Yes, that capitalization is correct. If you don't understand why, read some Cummings. It will hurt your brain in the very coolest way possible.)(Yes, I like poetry. No, I don't like Dickinson. Don't even ask. Dickinson sucks. Seriously.)(I'm wondering how many parentheticals I can string together here. (probably lots) These are really just devices for artificially extending post length, which is cool by me.))

myself, walking in Dragon st
one fine August
night,i just
happened to meet

"how do you do" she smiling
said "thought you
were earning your living
or probably dead"

so Jones was murdered by
a man named Smith and
we sailed on the
Leviathan

- "206" E.E. Cummings

Inquiring Minds Want to Know...

Overall on a scale from 1 to 10, where 1 means “completely unsatisfactory” and 10 means “perfect in every way”, how would you rate your and your household’s experience with the following fruit juice and fruit drink brands?

Repeat the Swelling Strains

Ahh... Spring. That time when a young man's fancy turns to burning down all the trees on earth.

Stupid pollen spreading punks.

In other words, I hate allergies. Stupid things make me feel like I have gravel in my eye sockets, and my throat contantly feels dehydrated, no matter how much water I drink. Today the allergies brought a new weapon to the battlefield that is my immune system. They somehow managed to make my lip swell to inhuman size. This was rather annoying. I was just sitting in class, and zhoomp my lip ballooned right up. So weird. At first I thought that maybe my mutant powers (aside from the extra nipple) had finally arrived, but, alas, it was not to be. Superfluous nippleality will have to be my only power for now.

Most of these allergy problems seem to have been solved by the application of generic allergy medication. For only eight dolllars I can diminish my allergy symptoms for ten whole days! Hooray!

I hate allergies.

We'll Get the Blog to Kill the Pods!

Hello, interwebs!

I'm almost tempted to pretend like I never left. But, I won't, because giving into temptations that you almost have is the epitome of wrongness and weakness of spirit.

Besides, by being not very funny at all, and making random obscure references to random obscure things in my post titles it's like I never left.

In any case, I missed you internet. (Yes, even you, you crazy stalker. (Fun fact: In the original version of my profile photo you can actually see my internet stalker in the background.)) So, I will now return to my regularly scheduled program of updating intermittently and then half-heartedly apologizing when I return.

Also, sometimes I will be funny, but mostly not.

The really funny part about this whole post is that it's written as if I almost believe that someone still reads this thing. Whatever. I'm going to stick it in my IM name and redesign the site, and hope for the best.

Love ya, you crazy interweb monkeys, you.