Friday, December 31, 2004

Resolutely Yours

Happy Freaking New Year, you tossers!
In case any of you out there who don't read this want to know my New Year's Resolution, I didn't make one, in accordance with the now famous Millenium New Year's Resolution. (Ok, it was 2000. Not the real millenium, but still.) This resolution was, of course, to never again make a New Year's Resolution. I had tried this the previous year, but I made the mistake of resolving to never make a New Year's Resolution, resulting in a Resolution that broke itself. (Which is the shortest possible time one can take to break a New Year's Resolution. This is quite an accomplishment in and of itself, I must say.) But now, I have the Millenium Resolution in place, so I'm all set. New Year's Revolutions are still legal, so, up the revolution!

In other news, I'm writing this one from my uncle's house in northern Wisconsin. I'll be here until Sunday, when I move into MLC. I'd give out my contact information, but you guys know that if I'm available to talk to you I'll be in front of this computer anyway.

I'm looking forward to getting to MLC, but not to getting back into the grind of classes. (Uggh.) Meh. I have a 12 pack of Ramen, a hotpot, and weekly D&D to hold me through. Also, as I no longer work at the job that was keeping me from facial hair, I have begun the growing of a beard. (Note: Stage 1 of succesful beard growing involves not shaving for a few days, so I look pretty darn scruffy right now.)

I got a ductape watch for Christmas. It's awesome. I also got Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles boxers. Both of these were gifts from my mom. Kind of weird. But cool. Reminds me of someone I know....

Who am I thinking of...

Oh yeah, Samuel L. Jackson.

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

Stuff You Don't Care About

Yeah, so I worked 9 hours today and I had an exam. When I showed up 15 minutes late for my exam, (Java Programming with strongly Korean professor Vu) the following exchange occured:

Me: Umm... Could I get a copy of the exam?
Vu: Ahh. You showed up late for my exam. Maybe I will not give it to you.
Me: Please?
Vu: Ok, ok, ok, ok. I forgot half of the exam, so I guess it is even then, hmm?

That's right, he forgot part of the exam. (Man after my own heart.) Therefore, there was only the ridiculously simple cut and paste programming section, and none of the nonsense writing section. I was out of there in 15 minutes.

In other school news, MLC sent me a thing that told me who my roomate will be. I was going to put his name up here, but then the internet would have someone to stalk other than me.

In blog news, I updated the sidebar. I added Brit's blog, moved the blog section up, removed the link to MG, (which I quit like a month ago, and a big monster ate my character) and added a link to the Third Nipple Home Page. (It's my bible. Well, except for my Bible.)

Ben "The Internet Can Stalk Me All It Wants, The Smarmy Git" Kanter

Thursday, December 16, 2004

I'm not studying.

Calculus is like math as seen by Picasso.

There was supposed to be a post on Monday telling you all to go see Shaun of the Dead. It didn't post. So, therefore, go see Shaun of the Dead three days ago, and if not then, then see it now. It's really one of the funniest movies I've seen in nigh unto forever, so do yourself a favor and catch a showing. If you absolutely must, wait two weeks, and it'll be out on DVD.

With Christmas coming up, I'd like to make a very important announcement:


Yeah, we'll be playing Warhammer in Nick's basement either the 27th or 28th, or both. So, contact one of use nerd types if you're interested in coming. We'll let you.

Just two more exams and I'm done with Whitewater forever.

Tomorrow, take us away.

(P.S. Fixed the posts not coming up issue. So, now there is a post about SotD. Whatever)
(P.P.S. Looks like Ctrl+Alt+Del agrees with me about Christmas carols. Heh.)

Monday, December 13, 2004

Go now.

Go see Shaun of the Dead. Why are you still reading this? You should be going out to see Shaun of the Dead.

You're still here. Go!!

Ok, you're just not listening.

Go see the movie now.

Friday, December 10, 2004

I'm sitting in my room, with an eggnog in my hands.

The best part of Christmas: Eggnog.

The worst part of Christmas: An entire month of Christmas carols on the radio at work.

If I hear "The Christmas Song" sung by Christina "I'm an everloving moron" Aguilera, so help me Cthulu, I will do things to all the people of Clearchannel Communications that would be so horrific that, were you to film them, you would have to invent a new rating classification for the movie, NC-BD, which would mean that you wouldn't be allowed into the theater unless you were blind and deaf. Of course, parents would still take their kids to see it, and no one would check their blind and deaf ID's, and then the kids will go on a killing rampage and the media will blame it on videogames. And really, this would all be Christina "I'm so dumb I had my brain replaced with Silly Putty and I got smarter" Aguilera's fault.

I need a vabation.

I hab a code.

Thursday, December 09, 2004


So, it appears that Captain MacEnGuyver (a.k.a Alex) over at Only Losers Blog has added a second contributing author. Now, not only can he serve up a mean backhand by your powers combined using only a paperclip, a wad of gum, and a dorito, but he also doesn't have to actually update his own blog in order for people to read funny stuff! The sheer laziness overwhelms me! Why the devil didn't I think of this!

Well, it's too late now.

There's only one thing to do: Go see Ocean's 12 as soon as humanly (or otherwise) possible.

And play a lot of Everquest 2.

"Let us ponder the ineffable, and see if we might not eff it after all."
-Douglas Adams
"Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency"

Wednesday, December 08, 2004


Great Mississippi Steamboat Batman! This blog hasn't been updated in ages!

This is partly because my internet's been on and off as usual, and partly because's been on and off, and partly because school's been taking up a bunch of time, and largely in part because I've been playing EQ2 in every spare moment. (But I can stop any time I want to. Really, I can.)

So, how have you been? Good? That's great.

I spent my work shift today discussing plans to take over the world with a coworker of mine. I can't reveal all the plans to you now. This is not because somebody might actually read this and thereby discover the compelte technical readouts of that battlestation that I've hidden in this R2 droid, and hope that when they analyze them a weakness can be found, but instead it's because I'm too lazy. However, here are some highlights:
  1. A Meth Addict Army
  2. Tanks that shoot richoceting sawblades... POISONOUS ricocheting sawblades
  3. African killer bee bombs
  4. Mechanical spiders with "I Love Uranus" bumper stickers and tukhus mounted laser rays

I'm a genius.

I don't think they should teach God in schools.
God already knows everything.
School would probably bore him.

Saturday, November 27, 2004

Greasy Breakfast

I'm on my lunch break right now. I had to be at work at 6AM today. I'm eating a McDonald's Steak, Egg, and Cheese Bagel. I am tired.

On the way home to do this, I saw a Tennessee license plate that said "DDR MAN."

This has confirmed my desire to never go to Tennessee.

Sunday, November 21, 2004

Things To Do When You've Stopped Needing Sleep

Laies and gentlemen, I give you: insomnia.

My favorite monster has returned with a vengeance, and I thought I'd give you all a sneak peak into what I do with all of my glorious (sleep deprived, distant, half-remembered, copy-of-a-copy) free time. Well, first of all, I do things like this. And the post immediately before this. And other random stuff that has little to no bearing on any aspect of anything that might be useful.

And, before you ask, No, homework is not an option. If you think that you can do calculus at one in the morning when your total sleep for the week is less than the recommended healthy sleep for an adult for a single day, more power too you, but I can't even do it after a full night's sleep, even with caffeine, so it's just not an option.

So what do I do? I think. A lot.

None of this though is in any way logical. Some of it is a lot like the following:

Most Famous: Being in the Dictionary
More Famous: Being in the Encyclopedia
Famous: Being in People
Less Famous: Being in the Newspaper
Least Famous: Being in Bed

Bed is awesome. It's soft and warm, like a kitten. However, kittens grow into cats. This is why people want to be famous.

Eventually you get tired of just thinking this stuff, so you write it down. I have notebooks and notebooks full of this stuff. Ask me sometime, I'll show them to you.

Isn't it interseting how the mind can just think of things that have nothing to do with what's going on right now? I was typing that bit about fame, and part of my mind was thinking, "Where did my bottle of cologne go? Didn't I used to have cologne?" Cologne, of course is a city in France, and I don't know what I was doing with a bottle of France, but chances are, I burned it.

Another thing that I do at night when it's all late/early is listen to music. I usually just pick one artist out of my collection and set their stuff on shuffle for the rest of the night/morning. Hawthorne Heights is my current addiction, they come highly recommended.

I like sunflower seeds, but just the seed part, not the ones with the shells. Peanuts in the shell are fine, because there's a decent amount of something useful inside. Sunflower seeds have a 3:1 shell to seed ratio. This is totally inefficient for mindless snacking.

Which brings me to another facet of late nights: Eating. It turns out that you burn more food being awake than whatever it is that thing is that you do when you're not awake. Therefore, I eat 4-5 meals a day. (Breakfast, lunch, dinner, 10:00, 2:00, usually) I could so be a hobbit, but I don't have the feet. (More's the pity.)

That being said, Everquest II is not working for me right now, and I'm angry about that.

There was some interest expressed in my Mission - Codename: Applesauce, Applesauce, Applesauce CD. (Ok, one person.) If anybody's interested in a copy, you can either e-mail me, or, if you attend Lakeside still, you can send requests through my sister. (Who will also serve as a delivery mechanism.)

If you have the urge to seek out any Hawthorne Heights, I really recommend Niki FM or Ohio is For Lovers as good preview tracks.
EDIT: You can download the two tracks that I mentioned as good preview tracks here. Also, take a listen at that other song, it's amazing.

I wrote this poem a couple nights ago that I call Sleep. I won't inflict it on you, but here's one of my favorite lines for my closing thought:

Quote the Bard:
"To die, to sleep, and not to dream."
And what is sleep, but a death to life, and a dream of tomorrow?

Saturday, November 20, 2004

Today I'm Feeling: Narcissistic

I have a humunguos, ginormous, largetastic brain.

Don't believe me, ask Brit.

Also, in related news, see here.

Shortest. Post. Ever.

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Ask Kanter

The profile setup for includes a random question, which you may answer at your leisure to be included in your public profile. The stupid questions they ask I thought required extensive telling off, so I went to respond to the one they gave me. Unfortunately, my telling off was too robust, and the system wouldn't let me include it in my profile.

So now, I'm writing it here, devious cur that I am.

And, seeing as I was answering a question, I thought I'd answer a couple other questions that come up occasionally while I was at it. Sort of like a giant, sarcastic FAQ.

Aren't paper mache cuts the worst? (This one from
Unless you're making some sort of paper mache knife (In which case you should crack a window) the only time paper mache has enough hardness to gut anything is when it has already dried into some kid's 3rd grade science project, and is completely harmless. In all other cases it is WET PAPER. If you have somehow managed to cut yourself on wet paper, then I congratualte you for still being alive. I'm not sure how you've managed with your severe intelligence handicap long enough to ask me this completely inane and overly contrived question, but you should definitely try to enjoy what of your life you have left before you accidently cut out your own lungs with a left-handed safety scissors. Also, DO NOT BREED. Please, think of those of us who'd have to teach your resultant progeny. Think of the good fo the human gene pool. This is not an option. The one and only real contribution you can ever make to society is not contributing to society. And you will do this, or so help me, I will give you a spork and leave you alone for ten minutes to make sure your line ends there.
Next question, please.

Is there life after death?
Well, of course. The real question is, "Is there undeath after death?" This is a question much more in keeping with the sort of things modern science should really be looking into. I mean, I don't care if you can make my coffee maker fresh grind the beans just before it makes my coffee, just before I wake up. I mean, sure, this is a marvelous thing that affords me fresh ground coffee with less work, and anything with less work is fine by me. What I really want from science is some definitive sort of yea/nay answer on the question of zombies, animated skeletons, or other undead (vampires, wights, liches, that sort of thing). Can these sorts of things exist? I really want to know. Even scientific creation of pseudo-undead is worth looking into. The zombies in Resident Evil, for example, are not actually zombies, but animated tissue with only basic instincts. There's a load of difference there. At the very least, can we at least create some sort of nanites that find human bones and bind them together to make skeletons? And how hard would it really be to genetically engineer vampires? Man, some of these goth types belive that they're vampires already, and they've already got the fangs. Can't we just give them the ability to live off of blood, and a fear of garlic? They already fear light, so that's not an issue. I mean, immortality might be a little hard, but I think you guys just have one too many donut breaks. Honestly, how hard could it be? Come on, science, we're waiting here.
Next question please.

Why are we here?
Well, you're apparently here to ask this question.
I, on the other hand, am here to say:
Next question, please.

Are you crazy?
Define crazy.
Next question please.

Are you posessed of a mental illness?
I don't have any specific illness that I know of, but I am getting pretty sick and tired of these questions, and that's enough to make anyone snap. Of course, the fact that it is, in fact, myself asking me these questions that annoy me so, one could argue for schizophrenia, but I argue that with myself all the time, and we've yet to come up with a definitive answer. Actually, all we've really managed to pump out on the issue are a couple rehashes of old schizo jokes. (Q: How many schizophrenics does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: 1/8 to 1/2)
Next question, please.

Nothing further.

Why thank you for this annoyingly banal line of questioning which has produced nothing useful from the both of us.

If you readers out there would like me to answer your question, you can e-mail me at In this I have become more like Alex, and soon I will kill him and take over his life, and the only person who will notice will be Scott, but he's all anti-social and no one listens to him anyway.

I make myself laugh. The rest of you are a secondary concern.

Monday, November 15, 2004

Greasy Haired EQ2 Geek Ramble

Ok, I figured while the EQ2 servers are down for ten minutes for maintenence and an update, I'd blog the past week.


Seriously, folks, I've been playing almost nonstop for a week, and I can't say enough. It's a great game. There's nothing so amusing as getting together with a bunch of people, (real, live people(Ok, maybe the digital avatars created by real, live people, but real, live people are controlling them nonetheless) and beating a bunch of orcs senseless. An dmaybe you didn't know these people before, or maybe you did, but, in any case, you hang out with them while resting up to kill the next mob of orcs, and you generally have a rolicking good time. Me loves it so much me grammers can't not never keep me up.

In other, vaguely grammar related news, MLC sent me my class schedule today. 18.50 credits! Whoo! Why, if credits were dollars, that would be nearly half as much as what I paid for Everquest 2! Man, I love EQ2. Now that I have it, I can give up my long, fruitless search for a woman who will love me for who I am, or maybe just go on a second date with me.

But, yeah, despite the 18.5 credit thing, and how much it's going to cut into my EQ2 time (Sweet, sweet game of my heart) I'm really looking forward to January, when I can take my computer and two changes of clothes, and go live at MLC. Seriously.

Yeah, I love telling people about this MLC thing. (Though, I don't love it nearly as much as I love EQ2. I mean, how could I?) It's great, because nobody sees it coming, and nobody actually believes me. It's wonderful. (Almost, but not nearly as wonderful as earlier today when I got the orc spine that completed my orc mastery quest, not only giving me untold powers over those foul beasts, but also enough XP to catapult me into level 14. It was a truly glorious time for Tameth, Kerra Predator.)

I must go now. The Server of EQ2, that very siren which lures my soul and tugs my oh, so longing heartstrings, shall soon be back up, and I shall play once more, and orcs by the hundreds and thousands, and hundreds of thousands shall fall by my blade. Verily, it shall be so!


Tuesday, November 09, 2004

Mission - Codename: Applesauce, Applesauce, Applesauce: Phase 1

Ok, so for any of you who care, here's the full track list for the soundtrack to M - C:A,A,A:
1. Super Rad - The Aquabats
2. Keasbey Nights - Catch-22
3. Raise Your Voice - Bad Religion
4. Another Perfect Day - American Hi-Fi
5. It's The End of the World As We Know It - Great Big Sea
6. Point/Counterpoint - Streetlight Manifesto
7. The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything - Relient K
8. Dear Sergio - Catch-22
9. The Little Things - Good Charlotte
10. Supersonic - Bad Religion
11. Build Me Up Buttercup (Punk Cover)
12. 61C Days Turned to Nights - Justin Sane
13. Good Riddance - Green Day
14. This One Goes Out To... - Catch-22
15. We Are The Few - Streetlight Manifesto
16. Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen
17. History of a Boring Town - Less Than Jake
18. Sorrow - Bad Religion
19. The Big Sleep - Streetlight Manifesto
20. Brown Eyed Girl (Ska Cover) - Reel Big Fish
21. 9mm and A Three Piece Suit - Catch-22
22. Destined for Nothing - Bad Religion
23. Guitarzan - Ray Stevens

So, I called some stores, and nothing more local than Best Buy has EQ2, and they don't open until 10, so I thought I'd get off one more blog before all I ever do is play Evercrack (err... quest) 2.

In about 2.5 hours, I'll have EQ2 on my computer.


And now for another Annie parody:

I'm poor as a mouse,
But my computer has good graphics.
I'm going to by EQ2
'Cause It'll be fantastic.

And if tomorrow there's a nuclear holocaust too,
I don't need anything but EQ2.

I don't need aaaaaaaa-neeeeeee-thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing, anything, anything but EQ2!

Monday, November 08, 2004

Tomorrow may be the BEST DAY EVER!!!!

I'm just too excited about Everquest 2. In addition, Halo 2 releases tomorrow, which won't be immediately cool for me (I have no XBox. Sad, I know. If you wish to purchase me one, I'd be happy to let you.) it will eventually provide me with some entertainment when I get to a Halo party somewhere.

Firefox v. 1 releases tomorrow, too. I may have to put off my download a couple days for EQ2.

Because, yeah, the Everquest 2 thing is the best part of everything. It's going to be so cool that I'm currently formualting a mix CD for the express purpose of listening to it in the car on the way to Best Buy to get my game.

The first track is officially "Super Rad" by The Aquabats. This is because I have also already dubbed my trip: Misson - Codename: Applesauce, Applesauce, Applesauce. I'll put the rest of the track listings up tomorrow if I can pry myself away from Everquest long enought to tell you all how the game is, and give the debriefing for Misson - Codename: Applesauce, Applesauce, Applesauce.

*The snack cup has left the six pack, repeat, the snack cup has left the six pack.*

*Better get us some cinnamon sticks, it looks like we have a live one!*

Ok, I was wrong. (*gasp*)

Two of my classes got cancelled today, so I'm like, "Perfect! I'll go get EQ2!!!"

Today is the ship date.

Tomorrow is the release date.

I am dumb.

The guy in Madison was nice about it.

That's right, I went to Madison a day early.

I also realized that I'm going to have to fight Halo 2 crowds tomorrow.

It'll be so worth it.

Sunday, November 07, 2004

Curses, foiled again!

Ok, so after going off about how nice it was to have internet back, it died again. Blasted bloody bleeding thing.

The internet seems to be back now. No word on how long that will last, but at least the company's trying to do something about it. Hopefully it shoudl be steady by Tuesday when I get my copy of EQII. (Actually, I might find a way to get it tomorrow, we'll see.)

So, that play at WLC was awesome. (Hannah stunt doubled my cousin. And she had a beard. Heh. "I don't want to hang out with that girl, she has a beard.") They did "Into the Woods," a show I had never seen before. Very toungue in cheek, interesting points made. Worth a viewing if you get the opportunity. Only, don't see it if I highschool does it somewhere, because it's too high level for that, though I understand some try. It just seems like something that wouldn't work at the highschool level to me.

None of this is funny, so here is my current favorite joke: So, this dyslexic guy walks into a bra.

And so, I'm done.

Tooooomorrow, Tooooomorrow,
EQII tomorrow.

Friday, November 05, 2004

Sweet, Sweet Bandwidth!!!

I have this wireless internet service that hasn't been all that good. It inexplicably stops working, and I don't get very high bandwidth totals. (For high speed. I'm kicking dialup's rear end six ways from sunday. Maybe even seven.) However, the last two days it didn't work at all. That was when I realized how much I like it. When I had to wait until 10 PM at night to read the latest Order of the Stick (on the dialup and on my parent's computer) that was sheer agony. Turns out the problem was a faulty transmitter interfering with the good transmitter, killing the internet dead. But now, they pulled the plug on that, and I have all the bandwidth I can lap up. I'll never defame you again, my precious data stream.

In other news, after much waiting, I finally got a copy of Neverwinter Nights Platinum Edition. I purchased it a month ago or so on rain check at my local ShopKo, and they just stocked it today. However, between the original sale price, mislabeling, and the discount they gave me for my (excruciatingly) long wait, I got the thing for 20 bucks. Not a bad deal, all in all.

I played it for three hours today, and I managed to get myself a sweet Sorceror/Dragon Disciple, who dual wields katanas. (I found these sweet guantlets that grant nice dual wield abilities.)

However, my NWN time is limited, as there are only THREE DAYS UNTIL EQII!!!!!!!!!!

I'm going to see a play at WLC tonight.

More stuff that may be funny, but will probably also be dull, tomorrow. (Or something.)

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

Politics, Wild Cherry Pepsi, and Intense Boredom (Or, Why I'm Hungry)

First off, I'm writing this from my java programming class. (COMPSCI 171) Why? Because this class is boring. Professor Hieu Vu (Has an accent that's as heavily asian as his name. Semi-famous for the line, "You see, I teach you. I know everything.") is teaching us how to do the project that was due for Monday that I turned in last week Friday. So much fun.

I'm sure everyone knows at least a little bit about last night's election. Since about 2 AM, unless something freaking crazy happens, (As my Global Perspectives teacher said, "It seems everything's over but the crying.") it looks like we get another four years with Bush. However, this insanity seems like it will still go on for a bit yet, with John Kerry holding onto the election by his pinky fingernails with the tenacity of a drunk bulldog. (Quote from Tony Blair: "I am sure that the whole House will join me in sending congratulations to President... Karzai of Afghanistan. Like everyone else, I await the outcome of the other presidential election with interest. ") I know this because I was up until like 4:30 watching election results, and cursing my crappy internet connection. I had planned on doing this (Though I had hoped for more from my internet connection) and had purposefully stockpiled Dewski. However, some hooligan or hooligans who live in my home drank my nectar of life, and I was forced to drink the only other caffeinated beverage in my house: Wild Cherry Pepsi.

Now, I have no problem with WCP, it's just not a beverage that I like to drink in large quantities, and in order to function today (One of my long class days) I need quite a bit of it. After about my third can, I started to desire to drink anything else. I quick perusal of my coffee collection showed that there were no less than 13 flavors of coffee in my freezer, and also that they were all decaf. Even more tortuous were the three packages of Berres Brothers Higlander Grog Caffeinated Delightful Tasting Energy and Life Giving Beverage that were in my basement, but which I could not drink because they were band fundraiser coffee that needed to go out to someone else. So, I finally just stopped drinking caffeine after can 4. (the one I had in the car on the way to school)

Compounding this issue is the fact that I've been to lazy to get forty-seven dollars to University Food Services so that I can eat ten more times on campus. So, I don't get to eat on campus today, which means I can't get my usual giant fountain cup of Dr Pepper. It also means I don't get to eat until after 2 of the clock.

However, other than the above today is pretty sweet. I'm wearing my until recently missing Order of the Stick t-shirt. This makes me happy. My rabidly democratic Global Perspectives teacher was all tired and depressed. This made me happy. Prof. Vu just said the phrase, "You are the destroyer, you are the master of destruction." Perhaps if I had been paying attention, I'd know what he meant. Oh well. Still makes me happy. I'm going to MLC in a couple months. Also, happy making. And, it's only 5 more days until EQII. Heh.

Well, I just checked BBC, and they said that Kerry has conceeded Ohio, and the election to GW.

Let the crying begin.

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

Pizza rolls bad! Pizza rolls burn!

I just microwaved some pizza rolls for lunch. Those suckers spent 60 seconds being bombarded by electromagnetic rays, and then having their water molecules vibrate rapidly, producing heat. So, of course, the second they came out of the microwave, I put a whole one in my mouth.

I can't feel my tongue.

Normally I make fun of other stupid people. Today, I have made fun of myself. (I'm such an idiot.)

In other news, I sent my MLC application off about an hour ago, so I've offically started the process of becoming a teacher. (Whoo!) In case it wasn't clear in my last post, (Which, I've deduced from what people have said to me, it wasn't.) I'm transferring up (out?) there at semester, which means I get a grad total of like 10 days of Christmas break. (Bummer.)

I'd like to thank everyone who took two seconds out of their lives top say, "You'd be a great teacher, Kanter." I think I will be, but I was pleasantly surprised by the number of people who agreed with me enough to actually state the fact to me.

Six days to EQII!

I'm trying to start a blogger link exchange with anyone I know who blogs. You can see that I have linked three blogs over in that link section, there. I'm trying to convince these people to link me in return, that we may all join together in linking harmony. Also, I've added a counter at the bottom of the page so I can see how many people don't read this blog.

Cower in fear, mortals, for someday I may impart my vision for the world on your children.

Monday, November 01, 2004

Deep Thoughts (Jack Handy not included)

So, I haven't written a new post since Thursday, but there are good reasons for that, I'm sure. What reasons, you ask? Well, I'll tell you.

Reason 1: I spent Friday and Saturday going to/coming from/at MLC. This tends to eat up one's time to the tune of two days, 12 hours of which are spent in the car with one's parents. However, one does get to sleep in Nick Haasch's dorm room and give him a wet willy at like 7 in the morning when he thinks you're asleep and totally isn't expecting a wet willy, and then he hits you.

Reason 2: I've spent all the time not taken up by the above mentioned activities, and my job, thinking. How long can it take? You have no idea. You see, part of the reason I haven't posted is what exactly it is I've been thinking about.

For those of you who didn't know, I'm a computer science major at UW-Whitewater. Now, as of late I have found two major things wrong with this. The first, and most obvious, is UW-Whitewater. I seriously despise this place, with a passion. The second, less obvious one is the fact that I'm a computer science major. As this year has progressed I've begun to realize that maybe programming computers for a career isn't something that I could do my whole life. Realizing one's chose field of study isn't right for them leads to a surprisingly large amount of thinking. Well, I think, what else could I do?

Well, since I wouldn't be me if I didn't do something completely and utterly random every once in a while, I thought, What would be almost the exact opposite of what I'm doing now?

Ah hah! I could be a high-school English teacher!

And so, after much prayerful deliberation, and a lot of help and advice from some of my dear friends, I have decided that I will be attending MLC for to get a BSE with a minor in English. I'm a crazy guy.

And though I said "Jack Handy not included," here's just a little Jack Handy for my closing thought:

I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.

Thursday, October 28, 2004

Picture & things

I just put a ridiculously ugly picture of me in my profile. Enjoy.

Also, I linked a couple of my friends' blogs. Only Losers Blog may not update ever, but the one post there is hilarious. Justin the Computer Geek, on the other hand, updates with geekish fervor, but it's rarely funny. Ahh... the juxtaposition of opposites.

EDIT: Added John Pauer's rather amusing blog, Catalytic Superfluous Yes (It sounds like a spam title to me.)

People are Less Intelligent than they look. (No mean feat)

A lady came into the grocery store that I work at over the weekend. She wanted to return a dozen eggs. It seemed that the bagger had put them on top of a thing of warm chicken.

The reason she wanted to return the eggs: She was worried that they might hatch.


Tuesday, October 26, 2004

Everquest II

Yeah, I'm really looking forward to EQII. I'm going to try to find a midnight release somewhere and go with my friend Joe. Which is double awesome, cause not only do I get to get EQII, but I get to hang out with Joe late at night/early in the morning, and if any of you have ever done that, you know how amusing it is.

But seriously, folks, EQII is going to be freaking sweet. I downloaded the trailer that they made for E3, and it's ridiculously cool. To dl your own copy click here and then click the "download" button under the Watch Trailer section. (Ok, maybe a little self-explanatory, but you never know.)

Also, if anybody's already getting the game, and is interested in joining a guild, e-mail me and let me know. A bunch of us are making one, and we can use as many members as possible.

I've got nothing.


So, as I write this I'm sitting in the general use computer lab at school. (UW-Whitewater, in case anyone didn't know.) There's this guy who sat down two computers away from me (There are like two dozen other computers open that are nowhere near anyone else.) who's listening to crap (the kind that's usually spelled without the c) on his headphones, so ridiculously loud that I cna actually understand the sexually explicit lyrics without even straining. This, needless to say, is really freaking annoying. This brings me to my main point: I AM SITTING RIGHT HERE, PUNK!

Honestly, I'm a jerk, but my particular brand of jerkness pretty much extends to jokes towards my friends, and targeted uses of jerkness at things I don't like. I prefer not to, say, blare music in the computer lab two freaking feet away from the "Quiet, please. People are studying." sign. And, even if I did, it wouldn't be (c)rap, and especially not (c)rap with offensive lyrics. Honestly, people, I may occasionally enjoy something offensive every now and then, (For instance, I have a pretty bad joke about a blind kid, but that's another topic entirely.) but I don't blare my offensiveness in a public place, especially in one where it would be polite to be quiet, because I'm trying to freaking study. (Okay, I'm writing this blog now, but I was studying.)

That is all.

Monday, October 25, 2004

Crap: The Blog

Ok, so I'm tired of ranting to myself in my own head. So, maybe no one will read this at all, but I get to type out how angry at all of the stupid crap of the world I am. And that works for me.

And now, something funny that happened today:

So, I went to the state Magic tournament this weekend. (Okay, that's neither the funny thing, nor something that happened today, but it's necessary for the setup.) I stated this fact to a co-worker of mine today. His reply: "Dude, you're a magician?"

I said, "Magic: The Gathering. It's a card game. I went to a tournament for a card game."

His response: "Can you do my birthday party?"

I said, "Yeah, I have this great trick where I pull money out of your wallet."

It's not that I hate people, just that they're idiots.