Didn't think so. Good. Things are as normal.
Now, to type as if you were here:
Hello, readers. Welcome back to Crap: The Blog, the Blog where everything's made up and Rae stalks me. You may be wondering why there have been no posts of late. You are probably only wondering this if you're new to C:tB, because lack of posting is what we do around here.
That's about to change.
Ladies, gentlemen, and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri, I hereby announce that I will officially be updating at least once every 8 days.
Let me say that again: I (your beloved leader) will update this (your beloved blog) every eight (your beloved... umm... number) days. This means that I pledge that from this point until some point in the future there will be no more than eight days between posts. Why eight, you ask? Because I chose that number arbitrarily.
Veteran readers of my blog were skeptical quite a while ago, and are now saying to themselves, "Yeah, right, what's to keep him in line?" Fear not, gentle readers, I have a plan. For I have acquired a digital camera, and, for every day a post is late, I will use said camera to take a picture of me doing something stupid.
You heard me.
Or read me.
Err... the blog post I typed.
Be not afraid, I already have a backlog of apology photos ready to go.
Good night, internet, sleep well, good work today.
I'll most likely kill you in the morning.